Lately, i've been ... irritated.
Not with my kids, although there's always a little daily irritation in the life of a stay-at-home-mom with 3 children the age of 3 and under. :)
But, back to the point, irritated of ... wanting.
I could bust out a never ending list of immediate wants right this second, all you have to do is ask.
But now i'm irritated with being so 'FULL' of irritated wanting. I wish i wasn't full of this. Its consuming without even realizing its become something all consuming.
Now don't go thinkin', she's depressed, lord help her. No, no, no. Its not that at all.
Its that deep yearning deep deep down, that ability to allow yourself to become selfish and all wanting, never being satisfied. And its not that i want super ridiculous things (super ridiculous being a boat or more of that cash money) Its wanting circumstances (like having our own place, having our own family being independent, having more time in the day to do everything that i want and need to with my kids and then being able to do something to help financially ...)
What i came to realize tonight ... i have zero control. I never have, i just 'think' i do sometimes.
If i keep thinking on these things, thats wasting time and precious energy and moments with the perfect family i have right here in my hands. What could i seriously 'want' more than what is right in front me.
Circumstances are always bound to change ... sometimes later than sooner but with a little 'emph' in our strides we're bound to get somewhere ... Maybe my wanting should be faith, faith in what is before me ...
I hope that i can strive to be 'FULL' in what is before me, without looking too far past it all. I pray for patience, i couldn't pray for that enough. And i pray that i recognize my precious blessings every day and make it known, blessings are special and irreplaceable and sometimes its needed to shout it in your heart!
<3
love the honesty! Reminds me of Philippians 4:
ReplyDelete11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through Christ who gives me strength.
This is awesome thinking Whitney! keeps you motivated and looking forward :-) I totally understand you, Matthew is unemployed so projects are put on hold for a while. Love reading your blogs I wish I could do that but I'm not too good with words (especially English, hahahaha)
ReplyDeleteI miss you Whit.
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