The Third Time ... from the beginning

This would be my third pregnancy, fourth baby. 

Wanting to be pregnant one more time (and not be twins again) seemed ever so relieving, and so far its not so bad, happy to report. I really just wanted one baby for the twins, Haven and Hazel to be big sisters to and of course, one baby for my big girl Halle.

Halle has grown up so much the past few weeks. She has been excited to have a baby just her own.

She has just completely surprised me and i couldn't be more grateful she's adjusting in a positive way. 

The twins however, are both getting their two year molars. its like DEATH! But other than that torture they love their little baby and are super attentive and give kisses willingly.

But anyways, back to an arrival of a fourth baby.

I had another c-section. (i've had one with all my pregnancies, halle's was a failed induction, my body refuses to dialate, and with the twins my body didn't budge either to opted to cut those twins out at 38 weeks)

This c-section I was more nervous about, just with having more recovery than a normal delivery, i'd be dealing with taking care of a baby and then 3 other crazy munchkins and how would everyone take in a new baby, it could be horrible or fantastic, just never know which way it will go ... ever! I just had such uneasiness, plus i just felt like i ought to be bigger than i was ... (i guess being priorly pregnant with twins will do that??) We had to be at the hospital at 5:30 and that night i slept all of 3 or 4 hours ...

but without fail we made it through my surgery and Aidah June was here at 7:57am weighing 8 pounds 4 ounces and 21 inches long. 
She's been such a good baby so far, shes a piggy eater and rather consist with a eating/sleeping routine.
I've recovered physically from the csection super great this time around, however i did end up having a spinal leak headache. They released me thinking it would resolve it's self but 24 hours later i had to have Brett take me back up to hospital for an epidural blood patch. After that, all things seem to be resolved and on the up and up.
So here we are, a family of 6.

EVE of 5 going on 6

looking all pepped up at 5:30am

last shot

Surgical Daddy

First kisses

all cleaned up

Daddy and his littlest new love

exhausted together

not a great shot but theres dimples there!

sprawled out and content

snugged up just like how she was in my belly

ready to be home 

Pretty baby on our way home!

Rough night

Such a bitter sweet evening. On one hand I can't wait to see this new little baby I've been harboring for the last 9 months and on the other ... I think of the time I can't dedicate to my other 3. It's just saying "your individual time with me is now even less, so tough" I hate that about this but then there is so much to be gained from a little sister, they learn a little more responsibility, to possibly be more patient with one another as there are 4 of them and one of me, how to love and be careful for a little baby all their own and so much more.
I hope they don't get overwhelmed with a baby that's so little and doesn't want to play with them (yet,
anyways) I'm nervous, can ya tell?!
I hate that I'm gonna have surgery and they have to be oober careful not to climb on me or give me body slamming hugs.
I'm gonna be exhausted and blissful with a new baby and maybe they'll think they can't have their mommy back?!
Blah! It's late, and I have to leave my csection in 5 hours ...
Let's see if I can pass out a bit.

A Name, what name ... that is the question?!

Random Blog to sort things out ... 

Its a "name" situation!

So I've thought about it and thought about it and thought about it and i'm in L-o-v-e with the name 

'Poppy' ... 'Poppy June' to be exact.

My other three girls names are 

Halle Rose

Haven Mae

Hazel Violet

And its not that i just LOVE "H" names but they just fit with each little girl.

Halle meant - unexpected gift (which she was)

Rose was for her unexpected red hair and its just old fashioned and beautiful! (a flower)

Haven  meant  - safe place (which she was so calm and is now the most friendly/loving)

Mae was for a calming freshness which i consider May to be and old fashioned sounding.

Hazel is a little crazy and eccentric, old fashioned, and it fit her personality, spaz.

Violet was again old fashioned, beautiful and eccentric. (a flower)

So fitting 'Poppy' in would be old fashioned, beautiful and a flower and just lovely.

'June' is also old fashioned, slightly corky, beautiful, and goes along with Haven's middle name.

So ... most other people i've talked to are just avid about me naming this little girl with another "H", like thats just the way it needs to be. And i suppose i can understand that and i'd like to if i really felt there was an "H" name just for her. The "H" names we've thrown around are Harlow, Harli, and Henley. Brett's fav is Harli June Davidson ... cliche, funny but adorable all in the same. 

I'm torn, and usually things like this don't phase me, its my decision but this time its hard. Do i just label her with another "H" to not disturb the balance of "H's" (that sounds ridiculous! ... but maybe valid so she's more apart of the other 3 and not sticking out like a sore thumb ... but then who really CARES!?!)

Commentary is most definitely appreciated!!!!!

Halles 'no singing' first program

Halle first school Program was today. I lugged the twins along with me. Thats always ...fun. But they did rather well. Halle however did not like all the attention put on her from the audience so she didn't sing one bit. I video taped one song then moved to the other side right by her and she finally saw me and completely broke down crying and hyperventilating. I was slightly stressed this morning to say the least so when she broke down, i began to break down. Both of us crying ... what am i going to do with us, with all these girls, me and my hormonal craziness. BLAH! So after her last song was over she came and just squeezed on me and cried a little more and just wanted to go home with "mommy". Makes a mommy feel good but i felt so bad she got so overwhelmed. :( 

All the while, the twins went up by the stairs and sat with Halle's teacher. They thought they were being "VERY BIG" :) 

Due to Debut

Well, well. My doctors office called and wanted to go ahead and schedule my c-section.

Which is crazy!

It completely sneaks up on you whether you were anticipating it or not. Seriously, i went to my last doctors appointment at 29 weeks and they said "now go ahead and schedule your appointments every two weeks", i was like "every two weeks, are you crazy, we're already to that point?!?"

But here we are, i'm 31 weeks this week and up for my first every 2 weeks appointment this week. My little fourth girlie love is doing great as far as i know. Kicking me regularly must mean she's peachy, right?! 

But yes, back to the point, my c-section is scheduled for June 22nd, 2012. 8 weeks from this coming friday ... we're in single digit weeks now. 

I'm slightly uneasy about it all now because my other 3 girls are really pushing my patience lately, and of course, thinking of adding an infant to that mix ... you might not want to talk to brainless me for a while ... is all i'm saying ... 

It's just there's so much to stress about. This baby, my other 3 girls, our home building, living with my parents, people coming and going constantly ... i could go on and on about it but deep breaths seem almost impossible to capture lots of the time. 

I did, however, get this little girls crib refinished (my mom's port-a-crib, it had gerbil bites on it from my nephew jack). Its now a super dark walnut color and the bedding is all set up and her corner in our room is now a real thing. (she won't have a room until our dang house is up and running so whats ours is hers until then ...) But she officially has a spot in the chaos so thats slightly relieving. 

I bet everyone is still wondering what the heck we're going to name her. AND ... i think that thats going to be a wait and see bit of information, but i can assure you she'll be just as BEEautiful as her beeautiful name. 

girl, girl, girl, GIRL

Well here she is, Baby #4. Shes a sweet, perfect, healthy, beautiful little girl.

I must admit, i was really thinking it was a boy from how different this pregnancy has been thus far. The heartburn, the possible 'pupps' rash outbreak, the severe nausea and fatigue, the morning sickness that lasted for 4.5 months ... Now i'm going to assume, with being my third pregnancy, things just intensify with each pregnancy and what may have been mild with my first, now with my third seem to be out of control. But all is well, as long as this munckin is healthy and everything in tact, i really couldn't ask for more.

I got my ultrasound done at 20.5 weeks on Valentines day. (side note: i got to find out halle was a girl on valetines in 2008)  This little girl is healthy and so calm. She basically just loves to curl up and snuggle down. NO summersaults, no eractic behavior. She just kicked every once in a while to push the ultrasound wand thing off her and she'll kick when i have tighter waisted pants on, letting me know thats her space, not my own. :) But other than that she's completely chilled out so fingers crossed she comes out just as that! :)

The video is mostly a side profile of her just chillin' and at one point it switches to her legs where you can see she's a 'girl'. But she just hangs out and you can see her swallow and open her little mouth. Its pretty cute. Love her already!

Tinkle here, Tinkle there ... Twins tinkling is far beyond.

Well, well. I have currently completed 2 full weeks of potty and am going on a third with my 20 month twins.

Extreme, yes. Successful, thank god, yes.

I did 2 random full day test runs back in december just to see where they were at with the whole concept of: "peeing in a potty is a good thing, peeing on ourselves ... not so much". They did not so good during those first trial runs, but vowed, in order for them to be "more" ready i need to put HUGE emphasis on anyone and everyone peeing in a potty and not in their own pants. I need to train them to know what peepee is and how to say it, as well as potty (what it is and how to say it). And sure enough with i did  these things till i was almost mad. And they learned it all!

So i decided 2 and a half weeks ago, lets go for it and never look back. (because with twins, its either "you're all in and fully ready to embrace it orI you'll just sink). Week one, such a TIRING week. I gave them maybe 6 to 8 FULL cups of water or juice and they just sucked one down after another. And i had to saw everything, what seemed like a million times, and run them to their own potty chairs (every 15 minutes or so) and they got a mini m&m just for sitting down and another one for successfully peeing in their potty. So they learned pretty quickly that sitting down to pee actually had its benefits ... CANDY! Thus, in excitement after successfully peeing in the potty they demanded CANDY! 

(when they had accidents, we'd just say "uh oh, yucky, yucky, stinky" and i'd sit them down on their potties til they got just a drop out, and all was right again in the world) We had a few moments of resistance but those we pushed through and made it out successfully, THANK GOD!

Week two, was more of the same but really training them to hold their peepee for longer periods of time. (30 to 45 minutes) So we stretched out potty runs and we've successfully made it to almost 1 hour of dry stretches by the end of week 2. They call "mama" or run and stand by their potties for me to help them with their panties so they can go peepee now. So our next trick will be getting coordination to pull down those pants! 

They really are doing so good and of course, it could be better but OH, it could be so much worse. (they could've resisted, they could've not been so eager, they didn't have to catch on, ...) Haven and Hazel aren't the same, they have their own little quirks to going potty and i've learned from them well and i think they're learned from me well. And, of course, i am happy to be going through this with them now instead of after our next little baby gets here. Halle and i get to teach them and play with them and reinforce all things learned and i fear i wouldn't be able to give them the intense perseverance i am able to now. They're excited to be big girls like their sissy Halle and i fully embrace that! :)

So hurray, to them and hurry to me! 

One more, please.

SO much to catch up on! I haven't blogged aka Blabbed since October and i'm not having a ginormous break-down. I obviously blog to share all the ridiculous that is me and all things near and dear and to not have done it ... in 2 LONG and eventful months, go me?!?

Anyways, the biggest and littlest news, A BABY, a fourth baby (not a 2 for 1 special this time either!) One, beautiful baby. I found out the beginning of October and am now 14.5 weeks (to be exact). Halle is 94% sure its a boy in my belly, and occasionally she says she has a baby girl growing in her tummy (that way its fair). But i think i'm going to have to agree with Halle, i really think this one is (almost without a doubt) a boy. This child has made me ridiculously sick, fatigued, nauseated, moody, and although, all of these things are semi-subsiding, however they're all still there to kick me in the face whenever its most inconvinent. Its plainly retarded, and i NEVER went through this much pregnancy torture with halle or double, twins. The twins at this point in my pregnancy were almost easier, almost like forgetting i was pregnant sometimes.

But yes, a fourth little munchkin to be our last and final baby addition. Thinking about 5 just seems to go over the edge but no one ever know whats really in store. :) The car seat situation is going to be something  to figure out because halle will turn 4 one month AFTER the baby gets here so All FOUR have to be in car seats through out the car. Whoopie for buckling 4 ridiculous carseats and jumping all over the car to get to them! But despite the minor details of situating the "fantastic four" i think its going to be great. The twins get a little sibling to experience and halle gets another youngen to boss around and teach the ropes to. And to me, i think it may be semi-refreshing to get one single baby to round out my baby bareing years to snuggle onto instead of leaving my last memories being the chaos of having twin babies.

Here's a photo of baby #4 at 7.5 weeks. Its a tiny bean and has its yoke sac in picture. (which this yok sac freaked me the crap out, thinking it may be 2 crazies in there in different positions, but thank god ... not so!)

Getting Bogged Down.

Well my title is enough said right?!

Now on to my whining of things.

My kids will not, and i mean WILL NOT, eat almost every single thing i make, be it breakfast, snacks, lunch, or dinner. I push it until some success but its such a tiring mess (a fiasco) getting them to intake just a smidgen of a bite only to spit it out in seconds. With all three of them being at the ripe "I have my own individual rights" ages ... its exhausting. Trying to teach one, then the other does something wrong, then the other, and back to the first one and over and over and its a competition for attention. 

I'm bogged down. easy as that.

I mean, i have other frustrations (living with parents, keeping our building process moving, attempting to have some social life) Blah!

I just want success, damnit! I want my kids to like food, they don't even have to say please or thank you (which i'm working so hard on teaching them every time those moments arise) i just need them to do the basics. I guess i can't ask too much. They are only 2- 18 month olds and an almost 3.5 year old. 

Let me go back into whining. They are so bored because they want to do more things but can't because they destroy everything in the process because they're not quite at the point of "taking lessons and directions". I mean Halle is, but because the twins don't do things right she thinks she "all of the sudden" shouldn't do things right. So its 3 crazy girls not wanting to listen so that we can be successful and have some fun.

I know, if i wait just a few more months the twins will have even more skills to do more things and halle will definitely benefit from it all but ... its the "getting there" part!

I have been surviving from these 3 months to the next 3 months since the twins were born because its just so dang frustrating sometimes. They can't quite sit-up but just wait soon they will ... then its they can't quite walk yet which would relieve my back some from picking them up but they will soon ... then its teething, lord save me from teething but those teeth WILL come in soon ... then its they can't talk quite yet ... then its they can't quite understand yet ... BLAH! this sounds H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E, I KNOW! You don't need to tell me. I feel horrible everyday for even thinking about things like this. They're so close in age but they're not. 

I'm just Bogged down lately and its mainly all my fault in how i'm looking at things and approaching things. I'll figure out what my "pick-me-up" is and get going again. But encouragement is definitely appreciated :)

And she keeps going and going and going ...

So, here's Halle, my 3 year old, hyped up for no apparent reason. Just needed to go in circles for almost 20 minutes. It was incredible, she was like the energizer bunny. And she kept getting goofier and more random as time went on. But this is a pretty long video. I was going to edit it down but it would defeat the purpose of how a 3 year old works. But if you skip to 1:30, 2:30, 3:30, around those areas something new and ridiculous happens. Hope you're amazed at a 3 year olds ridiculousness as much as i am!

What am i to do from this.

Time to lay out some words that are rarely said. My philosophy, 'sometimes' things just need to be said, whether good or bad, its needed because life is not glazed ever so pretty although we'd all like to think so sometimes.

Lets see if i have the right words.

Its hard to find the right words to express ones self and those afflicted, when someone, so very close, loses their life. When someone loses their last breath.

My dad's brother, my uncle, Tom, turned up with cancer. Cancer, who turns up with cancer? How is one person chosen over another. I mean i really don't think God points his finger and says "thou, shall have cancer, figure out what there is to figure out". No, i think its just the way life deals things and throws things out. God did put us here to learn, in every instance there is something to learn. There's so many different obstacles and for what ever reason Tom was dealt cancer. I would go into the whole "why" scenario but i'm at the point in my life (and this is still hard to grasp and say) that i don't need to know the why.

You could Beg, "why him?" "why now?" "whats the point?"  I think that everyone will always deep down wonder and contemplate those things. But at the end of the day, Beg of yourself, "what am i to do from this?" I think that this something to be far more contemplated. To waste precious life and time thinking on things we may never quite know the answers to is not something, i tend to think, is worth wasting, with death it brings the reality of how precious it is that we are given today, and if it is just today, we are only given, may it be spent in truly cherishing the fact that TODAY is a gift, and nothing else, its not something you can take freely.

I think of Tom and who he was (thats such a raw thing to say "was" ...) and i think of how vibrant he saw life. He had a dream of a beautiful indian dancer once and tattooed himself with the front of her on his chest and the back of her on his back. (nothing explicit, and actually quite beautiful when i really think about it) At the time, i couldn't believe he'd tattoo himself with something like that and having quite the dedication with the size and detail of it all. But when i think of what it meant to him and it now, means something so clear to me. (maybe not his ideal interpretation) The dancer was full of life, she danced for today with nothing holding her back, and even though she was beautiful, her spirit is what made her MOST beautiful. So from Tom, may i take this, may i do things whole-heartedly, never glazing a moment for everyone's appearances sake, may i take in today and truly love all that i am given, and if this may be my last breath may i be grateful for that as well.

All loves and misses and kisses to you Tom.

Blessings

Lately, i've been ... irritated. 

Not with my kids, although there's always a little daily irritation in the life of a stay-at-home-mom with 3 children the age of 3 and under. :) 

But, back to the point, irritated of ... wanting. 

I could bust out a never ending list of immediate wants right this second, all you have to do is ask.

But now i'm irritated with being so 'FULL' of irritated wanting.  I wish i wasn't full of this. Its consuming without even realizing its become something all consuming.

Now don't go thinkin', she's depressed, lord help her. No, no, no. Its not that at all.

Its that deep yearning deep deep down, that ability to allow yourself to become selfish and all wanting, never being satisfied. And its not that i want super ridiculous things (super ridiculous being a boat or more of that cash money) Its wanting circumstances (like having our own place, having our own family being independent, having more time in the day to do everything that i want and need to with my kids and then being able to do something to help financially ...)

What i came to realize tonight ... i have zero control. I never have, i just 'think' i do sometimes.

If i keep thinking on these things, thats wasting time and precious energy and moments with the perfect family i have right here in my hands. What could i seriously 'want' more than what is right in front me. 

Circumstances are always bound to change ... sometimes later than sooner but with a little 'emph' in our strides we're bound to get somewhere ... Maybe my wanting should be faith, faith in what is before me ...

I hope that i can strive to be 'FULL' in what is before me, without looking too far past it all. I pray for patience, i couldn't pray for that enough. And i pray that i recognize my precious blessings every day and make it known, blessings are special and irreplaceable and sometimes its needed to shout it in your heart!

<3

Numbered Happenings

Well, well, well.

Quite a bit has been going on around here. 

Lets see:

1. I'm preparing for halle's THIRD birthday party.

2. The twins went from 6 teeth to 12 teeth in a month in a half (both of them).

3. I got a tooth extracted and a piece of metal in my face.

4. BOTH my sisters are expecting little babes.

5. My husband finished his last elective class to officially be graduated with his masters.

6. My uncle was sent home with lymphoma with no other options or treatments.

7. My sisters town (minot, nd) was flooded, now living on bottled or boiled water.

8. Plus, we're in the grueling process of getting the details sorted to begin our house.

Man, i could keep going, but those are the pressing things on my mind currently.

So i'll start from the being and elaborate.

1

Halle, turns three July 18th! THREE! she's so big and beautiful and smart and so so much personality and being quite the big sister. She's potty trained, through naps and sleepy times (its just those dang #2's that are unpredictable apparently). She starts Mothers Day out in the Fall, and i'm so excited for her to get out and interact with other kids and play and have a teacher to listen to and learn, i really am so thrilled for her because i know she'll just love it. Its so crazy how much a year changes my little girls. From babies, to full blown toddlers, to little girls ... bittersweet for sure. For her party i'm doing yellow and red, butterflys, tissuee paper pom poms, butterfly cookie, and 2 shipley's doughnut cakes, one chocolate and one cherry! :) I'm thinking pizza for our eats but that just seems like a cop-out, we'll see. but, lots of gifts and goodies for everyone. 

2

Teething, what a bitch! times 2, lord save me! When this teething passes i think i'll be able to breath again. It has been a true test of patience and unconditional love. But so frustrating because there really is nothing i can do to bare the pain from them or for them. Load them up on ibuprofen, oral gel, things to sucker on, chew on and then what ... just sit back and watch them suffer. The twins work as follows: when one is slightly hurting the other see's she's getting attention so she needs to 'hurt' more, but then the other one see's this and then she needs to 'hurt' even more and so on and so forth. It can get quite ridiculous at times but then i think, all babies just want and need to be held, by their momma, for their our attention and moment and they never quite get that solo moment they ever so crave. (one of the down sides to multiples) It is what it is, and we make it through and it really isn't so bad after all is said and done, and tomorrow is a new day (a better one, we always hope for) Don't you love this picture of my innocent crazed Teethers :) this will always be a super favorite picture.

3

My upper right tooth #4 developed a random of random disease, internal resorption. Its where the tooth hollows itself from the inside out. So last month's xray showed all that was left was the enamel of my tooth and the disease was starting to make the root of my tooth bulge in attempt to protect itself. And it looked like the bulging was almost about to get into my sinuses. In the end, i had the tooth extracted and sort of chipped out of my bone (becuase is was bulging too big to just pull straight out), the sinuses were thankfully unaffected, they put some calcium bone grafts in the fill in some space to hold a metal implant in place, a few stitches and some hydrocodone and i'm just like new, just a little toothless. 3 months down the road i'll get a crown that screws into the implant and i can wash my hands of this toothy business. This pic is my actual tooth. Its the 2nd one from the left. Click to enlarge and you can see the root and the cementum bulging around it and you can only see partial hollowing in this pic.

4

Both my sisters are expecting. I think that makes 8 grandbabies on my side, all within 4 years. Thats a bit much, right?! :) But the more the merrier i like to think. There's never a dull moment. Aimee is due this December and Tiffany is due March 2012. I love me some babies, there's nothing more fresh and pure and innocent. Love them all, that's for sure.

5

My husband officially can have his piece of paper, aka diploma, for his Masters in Architecture. He had one lousy elective he needed to have everything complete, and July 7th, to be exact, he took his final and he can be rid of school! So proud he did it all but so ready to get to our next chapter ... home owning and home building.

6

My uncle, Tom, was diagnosed with lymphoma a while back. He was able to get it to go into remission, but lymphoma almost always comes back, and back it came. He has been threw ever treatment he could possibly ever go through and for a brief moment it looked a little positive where he could maybe get a bone marrow transplant but in the end a test showed the the cancer was in control of over 95% of his blood. And he is now home to live whatever time he has left. I need, I have to be thankful for each new day because it is a gift to have another day. Another to love and live and to breathe ... It is a privilege to have such amazingly beautiful and wonderful people around me and to love. 

Click to know more about lymphoma: Lymphoma

7

My sister is a comin'! With the husband and kidlets in tow! I'm so excited to see them all. With the flooding in Minot, now is as good a time as any to come down to see ME! :) haha. We're gonna have a Harry Potter date to see the new one, i'm so pumped to see it, i know to some its way dorky of me but i really can't help myself. The kiddos will have a blast playing and plus halle's birthday party fun. They live SO far so i really like their visits, its a lot to come all this way and with kiddos in tow, so it just means that much more.

8

OUR HOUSE. OUR HOME. it cannot happen fast enough. I'm so anxious excited and nervous, its crazy. We still have lots to figure out but now thats Brett's 100% done with school we can really move forward with things. We do officially own the lot now. I'm gonna try to document as much of the home building as i can. Odds and ends, drawings, pictures, random annoying facts. Something so exciting definitely MUST be documented (in my opinion).

There's just so much to keep track of and wrap my mind around. It always happens that everything just happens all at one time, and then there's a calm to the storm and then *bam* again! I do happen to work well under pressure so maybe its just nature that things happen that way. I have my downer days but much more upper days to make up for the those down days. And i do really appreciate those calms so much more after it all. 

More to Check off our list!

We made it!

Brett is graduated with his masters!!!

We 'attempted' our first family vacation.

We all survived a vicious stomach bug. (more vomit than i could keep track of)

We missed my Bro-in-laws masters graduation AND Maeryn's first birthday party.

The twins made it to ONE year old. 

Great Gramps finally got to meet the twins for the first time. (quite the success) 

Too much to happen in a week. My nervous are shot. Lots of traveling around, and horrible car riding babies (except halle, who's the best). LOTS of sickness, all five of us went down, thus getting one day at the beach. I guess a little is better than nothing at all. Such a MESS! 

We did have good visits with Brett's family. So thats a success in the mess. And we did get Brett across that stage to graduate, another success. It was chaos getting here and there and in between but the ultimate goals were accomplished and i guess thats key.

 BUT, i have never wanted a break more, a real, no guilt, no kids, no chores, no worries, no stressing, Kind of Break. I doubt this will "REALLY" happen till my kids are all grown but just the thought is so fantastic to imagine. 

ONTO, what happens next, portion of our lives ...

Well it is now safe to say, we are closing on our first property here in New Braunfels in 2 weeks. Brett and I are designing our first home together for ourselves! Pretty excited but incredibly stressful. I've never been more anxious excited and more fearful wanting to run in the opposite direction before. 

The land is in a flood plain, challenge #1, we want this to be a low cost home #2, we want to make it as energy efficient and green as we can within all the other parameters (budget, neighborhood restrictions, city restrictions) #3. 

We have the basic concept, layout, materials, etc. We just need to detail things and hopefully by July or August this thing will begin. Lots to figure out in the mean time and balancing all the other trillion things we need to get done in the mean besides the house business. 

Some Feel Good!

My secrets to de-stressing/unwinding. 

First, you HAVE TO get you some Pandora Radio: Feist!

Click: Pandora

Its amazing what a little therapuetic music can do to your mood after a treacherous day of childcare or a day of just needing something happy and snappy when you are lacking luster in the midst of the 'craze' of life and all it throws at ya.

Second, my workout of wonders Tracy Anderson Methods: Post Pregnancy Workout!

Click: Tracy Anderson

Dieting and this workout have kicked my butt back into shape and FINALLY i am back to even before halle, back to when i first married my love. And i feel perfectly wonderful and healthy. It is a lot of work but it makes me feel great after each and every workout. I do my workouts JUST for me. FYI, not just for people that have had babies, its a major workout, highly recommended!

Third, moments that i can steal away i read Eat, Pray, Love.

Click: Eat/Pray/Love

Cliche a little, i know. But if you read with intent to take something away from it, its magical. I read it to help myself reflect to parts of my life that need to be looked at that i don't normally just get a typical moment to look at. Beautiful and such common ground, that everyone in some way is struggling just as you and i are and its what we do to pull ourselves through it, up and out, and onto bigger and greater things. 

Fourth, last but not least, maybe the best of all ...  Reese's Minis!

Located at a convinent store near you!

Chocolate, oh how i love just a bite. Something sweet when nothing seems sweet. My mind is reset and ready to conquer. These are quite powerful things! :) haha, but be careful ... highly addictive!

So, thats my list. It may be simple, high strung, stupid, corky, unusual, or highly highly random BUT if one of these things helps you release that uptight tension that you cannot let go of, then i've done my job in sharing in hopes that i can help! ;)

Sleeping for the Babe.

Random but highly critical, for me anyways. 

To get my girls to sleep through the night my sister recommended this CD. 

Hush Little Baby: Soothing Sounds for Sleep

Click: SLEEP!

It seriously helped me sleep train not only Halle but the twins as well. 

Helped to block out little noises and keep them sleeping. Truly magical for us.

Just an FYI for mommies. 

We always keep it going on track 7 on repeat. 

Its just what they're use to now and i actually use it on occasion when i can't stop thinking when i'm trying desperately to fall asleep.

Random Bit - Pandora

Have i ever told you how much i LOVE pandora, especially the Adele station? I mean there are occasionally some whoopsies to by pass but for the most part ... AMAZING. It really is incredible what a bit a music can do to change you're entire outlook and mood at any given moment. 

Please everyone ... Pandora till your hearts content! <3

PANDORA - Adele

To live or Not to live.

My child. Halle. Waves as big as she can and yells as loud as she can, when she see's an airplane fly by. "Hello, Hi, Hi plane, Heeeeelllllloooooooooooooo!" As if anyone on that plane heard that, but i'm sure all our neighbors within a quarter mile heard! 

My daughter, not a care or insecurity in the world. Just the most friendly and happiest of hellos. Why couldn't i be more like her. 

Everyday i get to spend with her and my haven and hazel i am continuously learning and inspired. Why do i care so much about things being a certain way. Some things are granted to be a miss because i will always have kids, which is defined as a constant state of mess ... :) But there are those certain things that maybe I have to have them a certain way because thats my only source of control. 

So my issue, control, why must i control. So i don't feel like i'm constantly spinning out of control. But why can't life be a pleasurable whirlwind of mess and uncertainty, that maybe no one heard my daughter on that plane trying her hardest to say hello, but the fact that she did it meant the world and is in fact out there in the world as a bit of goodness in the entire mess of things. 

So maybe a bit of goodness flung out there in the entire mess of things is what this world should be. And maybe thats the way to live. 

Staying Sane

So, i'm trouble staying in a good mood. The twins are continually yelling from getting multiple teeth at one time. Its like tag team, when one stops yelling the other starts ... and then Halle can only take so much of that as well. She hears them yelling and sees us give them attention to get them to stop yelling so halle eventually starts yelling or acting up because she wants attention too. I'm good till about 2 or 3pm and then i start sinking and can NOT get out of my grump state. I'm exhausted, tired, and get headaches almost daily now. I need a cleanse, a way to release. I have been doing my crafting things. (i made my first quilt in 4 days, quite the accomplishment) It does relieve some stress but then when i mess something up the stress almost triples and i get even more grumpy. I work myself to death at night time some nights because it takes my mind of off my stressful day. But i need a new approach. I should be enjoying life, my kids, my crafts, my husband. Can anyone recommend a great book for finding inner peace amongst all the stress? Dealing with the dealing ups and downs and staying level headed. A lot of people will tell me i just need God, and i know this, but i also need to work on myself and teach myself something, i don't need to expect God to fix me, i have/need to make an efffort. So any suggestions ... ? 

Limbo Baby! lets try and enjoy this.

time to get personal.

Brett and i and my girls too, of course, are living with parents. We have been living with them since January 2009 and ... guess what ... we've made it TWO years here.

Background story, halle was six months old and brett really wanted/needed to get his masters in Architecture and our lease was up and we didn't know how to accomplish this all. SO my parents ever so nicely welcomed us to their home, rent free, free babysitting and help. Now brett graduates in MAY 2011, this MAY. And now Halle is 2 and a half years old and we have TWIN girls who are now 8 months old.

I never imagined, EVER, moving back in with parents. Seriously. But Brett and i prepared ourselves mentally for whatever may come our way and just keeping pushing forward. And we've come through like champs. We had our moments of "i CANNOT do this anymore", "i'm done", "we need our own space", etc.etc.etc. We are down to the last moments and if anything i'm sad for my parents. We have turned their lives upside down. We've altered all their schedules to conform to a toddler schedule AND twin baby schedules. ... but maybe they're slightly rejoice when we're gone to finally receive a break and some peace and quiet?! ... NAH, they'll cry :)

So, this month is a celebration sort of month for us. We get gold stars and MAJOR pats on the back for holding on and pushing forward. We could've moved out and scraped for a few months and stressed out about money ... well FREAKED out about money but we didn't. We've done an amazing job with our savings and we've clarified where and what we need to do next. We've produced 3 amazing girls and brought them up in home with 4 times more love.

I just can't believe i've come this far and with my Big mouth and my Blunt opinions sometimes ... this is shocking to me.