What am i to do from this.

Time to lay out some words that are rarely said. My philosophy, 'sometimes' things just need to be said, whether good or bad, its needed because life is not glazed ever so pretty although we'd all like to think so sometimes.

Lets see if i have the right words.

Its hard to find the right words to express ones self and those afflicted, when someone, so very close, loses their life. When someone loses their last breath.

My dad's brother, my uncle, Tom, turned up with cancer. Cancer, who turns up with cancer? How is one person chosen over another. I mean i really don't think God points his finger and says "thou, shall have cancer, figure out what there is to figure out". No, i think its just the way life deals things and throws things out. God did put us here to learn, in every instance there is something to learn. There's so many different obstacles and for what ever reason Tom was dealt cancer. I would go into the whole "why" scenario but i'm at the point in my life (and this is still hard to grasp and say) that i don't need to know the why.

You could Beg, "why him?" "why now?" "whats the point?"  I think that everyone will always deep down wonder and contemplate those things. But at the end of the day, Beg of yourself, "what am i to do from this?" I think that this something to be far more contemplated. To waste precious life and time thinking on things we may never quite know the answers to is not something, i tend to think, is worth wasting, with death it brings the reality of how precious it is that we are given today, and if it is just today, we are only given, may it be spent in truly cherishing the fact that TODAY is a gift, and nothing else, its not something you can take freely.

I think of Tom and who he was (thats such a raw thing to say "was" ...) and i think of how vibrant he saw life. He had a dream of a beautiful indian dancer once and tattooed himself with the front of her on his chest and the back of her on his back. (nothing explicit, and actually quite beautiful when i really think about it) At the time, i couldn't believe he'd tattoo himself with something like that and having quite the dedication with the size and detail of it all. But when i think of what it meant to him and it now, means something so clear to me. (maybe not his ideal interpretation) The dancer was full of life, she danced for today with nothing holding her back, and even though she was beautiful, her spirit is what made her MOST beautiful. So from Tom, may i take this, may i do things whole-heartedly, never glazing a moment for everyone's appearances sake, may i take in today and truly love all that i am given, and if this may be my last breath may i be grateful for that as well.

All loves and misses and kisses to you Tom.