Pushed.

My limits are never ending and ever changing. I begin to sort through what gets me so frustrated and it begins to seem all too petty but with what standards I hold for myself and the life I lead my stresses are just as frustrating and important as anyone else's.

Between an almost four year and 2 almost two year olds my limits are pushed with how far my patience can reach from dealing with behaviors, messes, and teaching them "life lessons". Not to mention my hormonal self being pregnant now and trying to maintain my stress levels to keep us both healthy and ... Happy. Not to mention weve purchased land to build on and my husband is admit about designing and being the contractor to it all along side his already full time job ... So I'm constantly pushing and he's constantly tired and things are ... Slow because there's no other way to it at this point in the game. Not to mention the fact that we've lived in my parents house for over three years now, not that it's a bad place to be at all. I just hate that all they know of our family of almost six now is living in a house that is not ours, with another family living along side them, with everything that is not mommy and daddy's but everything that is their grandparents. It takes my ideal family moments and treasures and cuts them short. I don't know quite how to explain without sounding ungrateful but this limit has challenged me and the growth of my family for years now and it waring me to the very bone.

Attempting to stay content and happy and grateful for the little things like our health, a roof over our heads, my willing parents is not something I want to take for granted. My limits just get magnified some days more than others and my heart tends to want to explode when I feel helpless in the midst of it all. I can't make my kids get "lessons" any faster than they already are, I can't get money any faster to help us get our own place because I'd literally work just to put all my babies in a daycare everyday, I can't change where I live it just is what it is and the only solution is to find what things may come good of it ...

I find myself stuck in a never ending rut more times than not lately ... And today, lucky day, it happens to be one of those disastrous days.